I’m always up for a good detox – one that doesn’t involve at-home enemas and is completed in just a few days.
So, when my boss had me watch an episode of Dr. Oz to gain a better understanding of the format of the show for a media pitch, I was excited to see my suffering would not be in vain (I’m not a Dr. Oz fan) – the show was on detoxing!
I watched the entire show and downloaded the PDF with detox shake recipes and a grocery list. After work, I headed to the grocery store to buy some items I wasn’t all that sure I would enjoy drinking pulsed together in a blender. Nonetheless, I felt a detox was in order. It had been nine months since my last one – which worked, but left me hungry and tired – to be expected.
Unlike the detox I did last year, Dr. Oz’s detox required four shakes a day over a three-day span and a hot bath of lavender and Epsom salts at the end of each day. That doesn’t sound so bad.
Today was day one. Allow me to be brutally honest, I am seriously questioning day two.
Hunger pains I can deal with. I wasn’t hungry.
Bad flavors are expected, after all it’s diet. It didn’t taste that bad.
But, when I feel physically nauseous, bloated and all that comes with that, well, it is hard to stay focused.
The morning shake was bland. I got halfway through it and was full. Not bad I thought. Oh, but then my plans to workout were promptly stifled by the necessity to vomit, stomach discomforts and other foul temperaments of the GI tract. As I said, I have done a detox before, a medical, doctor-supervised detox and it was nothing like this.
I waited out the “pain” and went to workout in the afternoon, before I had my lunchtime shake (a different shake, but I didn’t want to take any risks.)
I made it through my workout, but I was STARVING! So, I made shake number two.
Have you ever drank a salad?
I love salads. I could eat salad everyday. I love a more “dynamic” salad than most, but I am down with eating a compilation of raw vegetables. However, drinking a salad, well that really changes the flavor profile.
But, forget the flavor of fresh kale and pineapple – I choked it down like a real trooper. The trouble came an hour later when I felt nauseous, again, for three hours.
There is a shake number three. It’s not going to happen tonight.
The mere thought of choking down one more barely palatable, gut-wrenching veggie-fruit cocktail is enough to make me puke up all the other shakes.
I am supposed to have four shakes a day? Ick! I can barely keep down two.
Perhaps by some subconscious sense of self-loathing or, perhaps the fact that my boss told me her brother-in-law lost seven pounds at the completion of his three days, I might give the dinner shake a try for breakfast and see if I can stomach one of the three again for lunch tomorrow, but that’s it – if it sucks too, I’m done. Well that, and the recipes make way more than is necessary for one person, so my freezer is lined with leftovers and I hate wasting food!
Who thought pureed fruit and veggies could be so disgusting?
So, my friends, I would love to hear your experiences with a detox. Or, maybe I am wrong about Dr. Oz’s three-day detox? Drop me a line in the comments and let me know. I’ll keep you updated with what happens tomorrow!
Update: I tried the “dinner” shake for breakfast – you know the one on the show that they said was the best? Ugh! It was the worst of all three! And, of course, I felt the same discomforts with this shake as I did the previous two. Pure torture. I’ll stick with fresh whole, solid foods and my own personal breakfast smoothie from now on.